On Being Me
January 22, 2011 § 1 Comment
Yesterday, I had another interview for the Masters position I mentioned in this last post.
Actually, the interview was more of a discussion about the research I would be doing (!!!). I didn’t realize there would be a second part until I was about to leave. We ran into “The Big Boss” just as I was walking out. In a flurry of cordial exchanges, I found myself squeezed into the corner of a smallish office (possibly a large office, but dwarfed by an even larger desk), and confronted by questions I hadn’t really prepared myself for. There was no way out.
As I was bombarded by these questions, I found myself panicking. Yes, I had thought about my decision, and yes, I was excited about the research, but all of my thorough thinking didn’t come together in complete sentences and the right words, and it ended up being a big, stammering mess.
When asked how I performed in a team environment, I blurted out that I was somewhat “controlling”. Yikes! I don’t think passing yourself off as a control freak is good in any situation…I’ve watched my fair share of “The Apprentice” to know that being controlling (with or without results) gives your team a reason to get rid of you…fast.
I think what I meant to say was that I like knowing what’s going on around me. It helps me figure out which way I should go. As a team leader, I like to guide you in the right direction. As a team member, I like to know where I’m going. If there are problems, I try to help. I try to respect those around me, and it’s important to me to build a relationship with the people I am working with.
Now why couldn’t I say THAT during the interview???
Nerves nerves nerves…they get you every time, and spoil your day. Even 15 years of being on stage can’t get rid of them!
After the interview, I had a quiet drive home. I thought about what I had said, and realized that I had a really hard time conveying who I really am. You know those typical “describe yourself in one word” questions…they really puzzle me. I can never think of a good enough word to attach myself to and blurt out “THIS WORD IS ME!!!”. I try so hard to find The Word, and it just backfires. It’s as frustrating as it is (in hindsight) entertaining.
I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs lately, and it sounds like a lot of the writers are trying to find out who they are. Scrolling through their previous posts, and watching them become themselves is, in my opinion, a lot of fun. It’s really helped me figure out who I am too.
I still haven’t figured out who I am, and when I try too hard, it ends up being all wrong. But I think, while I’m eating this crinkly topped chocolate chip cookie, that if I let it all happen naturally, I’ll be more happy about the discovery rather than more frustrated with the defining.
Anyway, I’m wondering:
What do you do to try to get to know yourself a little bit better?
I’d really love to know. 🙂